Bad personality is not a big deal for me... as long as i able to handle it,...
day by day i passed, i have known this unexpected since i was in elementary school at six.
i knew that i would able to change that and turn to the right way. but the more i try to stay away the higher feeling i have, i still don't know what i have to do, my life forces me to get away from HIM, but when i turn, i always successfully back .. return into the right path....
i don't even know whose fault is this.. all i know is i am born this way. exactly it totally hurts me when i have to stand and hold on things i can't hold, i build up a very big castle as defence but at least it will collapse.
this feeling on those who i like is bigger in everyday i pass,. i am scared for my future, this unexpected always coming hunting me every day.. i can't tell this to every one , no one.
when i see to his great creatures, my feeling feels like "i love this one" , "i hope you will be mine", "stay with me", "i don't want to lose you" ... yah i scream it loud in my heart until i know that there are still another those great creatures that more enchanting and i start feeling that again.
it is forbidden for me to stay loving that creature and adore it, but i can't stand to this tormenting, i am kind of a limited edition in my homeland, no one likes me ... i am the different one.
until now the feeling can't get away from me, all i do is in vain.. all my fights againts this feeling will never work, i did those bad deed almost every week , i try to forget and forget it , .... but it's been in my dna i couldn't change unless he changes it for me.
i am weak, very weak,.. the reason why i am so afraid of being so far from my homeland is because that creatures that may bring me to darkness and imagine bad things,,,
i hope he will change this and i could probably really leave this insane feeling .
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