I lost mom on April 23 2017 to the most horrible dreadful disease, cancer. I never thought she would lose her battle against the disease. I never wanted to say goodbye. All I promised her was a happy long life with her children. She struggled so hard to be health for her beloved children. But her fate shown different way after all.
It's not a fact I choose to dwell on, but I grow up knowing that one day, my parents will no longer be with me. I have lost one, the one I love the most. It became a loss which irrevocably changed the landscape of my life.
Yet no-one had realised she would lose her battle at the age of just about 40, leaving behind a husband and 4 children including me.
Then I always remember the days she suffered through excruciating pain day-in and day-out which was one of the worst experiences I can imagine. All I could do was holding her hand saying she will be all right, just to distract her from what she was feeling. I felt helpless and hopeless, and I did feel like to take on the pain for her.
People really want me to let her go. I have already tried so hard but her face always haunts my mind. We created memories together. I will literally never forget those last few days she was with me :( .. After months of no appetite, she craved everything –we shared some 'gorengan' together for lunch just like old times, and she told me to eat properly and drink a lot of water. She still worried about me. I can even still hear her voice now. And her face is clearly drawn in my mind. I miss her :( . I wish I could see her again.
November 2016,
My mom was diagnosed having cervical cancer symptoms after giving birth to my youngest sister, Nabilla. It crushed her mind. She tried sho hard to become health again - she always visited hospital for medical checkups until the doctors told her to do a major surgery to take all away her uterus before the disease spread to other parts inside her body, just to save her life and increase the possibility of having a longer life.
December 2016,
On the 5th of December, my mom was having her very first big surgery. I remember that it took about 8 hours to wait for my mom's surgery process. It was absolutely a crucial moment between life and death but a very big gratitude for God to save her life.
Her nightmare started from here. She became so fragile, in terms of being sick almost everyday in her recovery time.
January 2017,
In the new year eve night she was hospitalized. There were problems with her stomach. I began so stressful. She moaned to feel painful in her stomach. Luckily it was just a diarhea symptoms so doctors could take it over and my mom felt better, then we was allowed to go home.
In this month ( if I ain't mistaken), the surgery result is noticed. The doctor told mom to have a laser radiation as her therapy to make sure that her disease no longer lives inside her body.
We went to hospital almost everyday since then. And another problem appeared. There was a vistel (hole) in mom's .. I don't know the word in English - it's a place to retain her urine before we throw it through our penis/vagina. This problem caused mom couldn't take a pee because it just always flowed everytime. The doctor wanted to repair it but she must have finished the teraphy before doing another surgery. Oh God, poor you mom.
February 2017,
Mom and I visit the hospital very often to administer the therapy until we scheduled the radiation start from the first week of march. But due to the broken plane the therapy had to be postponed.
March 2017,
My mom's condition was getting worse. She griped to be weaker and having illness in stomach. Doctor said it was just fine, The surgery effects. My mother didn't want to eat and drink properly. I tried to motivate her but didn't work at all.
In the last day of March she was being hospitalized. Doctor said she needed more minerals or liquids and had to stay for several days until her condition become well enough to go home. My mother was infused. After days of being hospitalized, she was not getting better.
April 2017,
Things were not looking up. A doctor of kidney said my mom's kidney had a decreasing function that caused mom to do a blood therapy,- it's like washing her blood through a big machine. Yes, the trouble in kidney made mom couldn't breathe properly and sometimes feel itchy on all over her skin. And of course it made her became so weak. Her blood was washed twice a week. Her kidneys could no more throw away all of toxics like disuse minerals in her blood.
My mom was not really getting better, she couldn't speak loadly and sometimes I couldn't understand her despite maybe she tried to put across what she wanted to say.
Her stomach was getting bigger-like a pregnant woman.
April 23 2017
It's the saddest day, year ever in my life!. My mom was unable to fight anymore and I should let her back to her owner.
Good bye mom, I love you!
April 23 2017
It's the saddest day, year ever in my life!. My mom was unable to fight anymore and I should let her back to her owner.
Good bye mom, I love you!